Watch Your Mouth
In the past I used to let someone get to me. I would find myself working away and identify a mistake I made. "You loser," I would say to myself. Later I might make another mistake and say to myself, "This is never going to work..." At times I would berate myself with negative thoughts and emotions.
My regular readers may not have noticed, but I had trouble through the recent economic hard times too. My faith, Scottish blood and love from family and friends helped me to persevere.
MY POINT: Listen to how you talk to yourself.
Briefly speaking, there are three types of self-talk and three time frames to which they apply. I encourage you to listen and learn. Give this some thought. You may need to change your self-talk because it is holding you back from achieving your dreams.
SELF TALK TYPES
1. Negative: Many people judge themselves more harshly than reality dictates. You may discover that you are putting yourself down quickly and easily just as I was. If so, then your conclusions are wrong and you are hurting your ability to develop better habits. As humans we make mistakes. This is true of everyone. So learn from your mistakes, but do not beat yourself up about them.
2. Reality: If you listen to your comments about yourself and they are realistic with a touch of optimism, then please continue.
3. Exaggeration: If you keep telling yourself you can succeed yet you keep repeating a process that is failing, then you need to stop for a reality check. If you think you can close a sale yet there are no buying signs, then you are wasting your time. Being overly positive is just as disastrous as being too negative.
SELF TALK TIME FRAMES
1. Past: Accusations of failure often are linked to mistakes in the past, i.e. "You failed before so you will fail again." This is a lie because you can develop new habits and skills, and approach work differently so you achieve successful results. Do not let accusers (including yourself) keep you in a dark moment of your past. You have past success and moments of joy. Focus on those because you can be there again, and consider replacing the phrase "I should have" with the phrase "next time I will"
2. Present: If you focus your self-talk on being thankful in the present it can help you realistically assess the situation and your behaviors. In part this deflects the self-focus to the how and why something happened. Just do not be so thankful that you exaggerate the facts.
3. Future: Negative future self-talk is worry. Try not to explore every possible scenario of a situation because it is often a waste of time and energy. If the situation requires you to thoroughly explore every option, then remind yourself that all you can do is your best. (Do not work in isolation. Ask others for input.) If things do not work out, you will get another chance. This is the free world, my friend, and tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities.
MEETING IDEAS
WATCH YOUR MOUTH is a reminder to focus on the light at the end of the dark tunnel, even if the path looks long and treacherous. Even if you work with others to add perspective, skills, knowledge and accountability, you still need to encourage yourself with thanksgiving and within reality.
I suggest this is an individual's exercise that may NOT be appropriate for a team meeting. Here are some ideas on how to work through this concept:
Listen to yourself this week. What do you hear?
It may, however be very appropriate for a discussion with your spouse, mentor or trusted friend.
Remember overly negative or positive self-talk needs to change. Both are fantasy. Seek professional help if you need it.
Laugh. Some of our self-talk is actually quite funny.
