3 Powerful Tips to Resolve Conflict
I just finished production of our Charm School library to train soft skills to your help desk, systems engineers, sales people, operations folks... EVERYONE needs better soft skills.
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The final course I created is on conflict. WOW! Apply what you learn in this one session and you will increase your profits by 10-100X the cost of the entire library. Here are some quick highlights:
1. Inflammatory Thinking: When someone "pulls one of your triggers" to move into fight or flight mode, your mind instinctively shifts into inflammatory thinking. This is blame-based thinking that blocks your ability to solve problems. This is one reason why people get stuck in conflict.
2. Emotional Flooding: If you allow your inflammatory thinking to continue it causes emotional flooding. Your heartbeat increases, breathing gets shorter and more rapid, your stress level intensifies in seconds, and your urgency to do something NOW screams at you to take action.
One author, Anna Maravelas, concludes this triggers a Cycle of Contempt. Everything you focus on defends your actions and blames the other party. Problem-solving is gone. It actually shortens your life according to certain studies. Your entire focus is on winning and/or defending yourself rather than resolution.
I think in the future a better term for me that describes this cycle is a Cycle of Self-Focus.
3. So what's the alternative? Maravelas suggests you have to choose a Cycle of Courage. In a Cycle of Courage the primary objective is saving the relationship or a shared objective (other authors/experts) rather than win / serve self as your primary goal.
Moving forward I might call this a Cycle of Relationship-Focus. I am growing to prefer the Self vs. Relationship terms more than Contempt-Courage, but go with what you want.
The bottom line is almost all conflict is due to failed systems and processes - such as weak leadership - rather than incompetent people... and I suggest, our bad habits.
I cannot cover everything that is in the No Drama training on conflict here. You can improve your conflict resolution skills by being more aware of when someone hits your triggers and you start emotionally flooding. If you catch it, then you can refocus all your energies on preserving / improving the relationship more than protecting yourself. This helps you avoid more conflict, and resolve drama when it occurs much more effectively.
If you feel your team could demonstrate better soft skills - don't miss our Charm School library while the sale lasts! Remember to use coupon code DavesDone to save 50% before the sale is over.
We help entrepreneurial leaders develop NEW habits to overpower their less productive ones. Our work often extends into company culture and employee training to "make price irrelevant." Contact me if you would like to become the leader you were designed to be and more positively impact the lives of others.
