Take the Character Test

From last week:

Good character is the true measure of a leader.

If you're not someone of good character, then what type of leader are you?

Last week I encouraged you to agree that everything we do starts with our character.  No one is perfect, but when we have significant flaws in our character then everything else suffers.

Jim Collins concluded humility was the primary common trait of truly GREAT leaders.  This supports my conclusion about the importance of character:  The only way a person can be sincerely humble is when they consistently demonstrate good character.

I did a web search on character traits.  One site is "all about character," offering 50 different character traits.  Yet none of them were honesty or integrity.  How can you have good character without integrity?  Scary...

Lots of opinions out there.  Lots of long lists.  I suggest we focus on 7 attributes of good character.  When we get these right, the rest should take care of themselves.  Without these behaviors as our strengths, other attributes of character fall apart.

Here is a quick self-test of character for anyone in a leadership role.  In some ways these build upon one another.

Consider your strengths, and build on them.  Identify areas to improve, and work diligently to develop new habits to overcome your bad ones (that never go away completely).

#1 - Faith

Everyone has a spiritual faith, even an atheist.  How consistently do you live out what you believe?

#2 - Truth

People define what they believe to be true based on their spiritual beliefs.  There are facts, logic, and absolute truths, but you have to decide which ones you want to believe.  There are a growing number of false truths promoted online and in people's opinions.  How do you define truth, and live by it?

#3 - Integrity

Your definition of integrity or honesty hinges on your belief in truth.  If you feel truth is relative, or only important when it agrees with what you want to do - then your honesty will be selective - honest when you want to be, or based on what you want to believe or do, rather than unemotional facts or logic.  

Were you 100% honest in all of your communications today?  This week?  This month?

#4 Relationships

Your ability to love others depends on how you process information through your faith, truth, and integrity filters.  At the end of your life you only have two assets:  Your legacy (impact on others) and relationships (vulnerability with others).  These depend on your character. 

Do you have close friends and business relationships, or are you "relationship-lite," where virtually no one really knows you?  You can be a person of good character who is a loner, but having deep relationships makes life richer.  What can you do to develop or extend deeper friendships?

#5 - Candor

The power of candor hinges on your integrity and relational skills, among other behavioral attributes.  Candor is how much information you are willing to share with another person.  Ideally you achieve close to a "Goldilocks rating" on your candor - you do not share too much, or too little.  You share just enough.  How are you doing?

#6 - Decisions

You make decisions based on the five prior attributes of character.  Good decisions come from a place of knowing who you are, who you serve, and a healthy fear of making a mistake. 

Once again, you strive for a Goldilocks' balance between a sense of urgency that a decision must be made, and your process to fully consider all the data and counsel before accepting the risks of the decision.  Do you make decisions too quickly, or too slowly?  How can you develop habits of more balanced decision-making?

#7 - Grateful

People of good character are thankful.  Be sincerely grateful for what you have, instead of complaining about what is missing in your life.  This way you will overcome life's difficulties more easily.  How can you be more grateful throughout each day?

Yes, I am stopping here.  We can consider and/or debate dozens of more character traits, however when you focus on these seven most of the others will take care of themselves. 

Character checking can be a daily exercise, if not multiple times during the day as you make decisions, communicate with others, and take action. 

Intentions do not count.

RECOMMENDATION:  Evaluate your character based on every sense of your heart, every emotion you feel, every word you speak, and every action you take. 

You are NOT defined by your worst moments. You are also NOT defined by your best moments.  It is more of an accumulated score over time without a requirement to be flawless. 

Your character in a particular situation may be less than you desire.  Slowing down to consider whether you are meeting or exceeding your own character standards can be life changing.  However, you have to be strong enough to make the difficult decision NOT to do something that is below your standards.

Scariness is the true measure...

"Scariness is the true measure of a monster.  If you're not scary, then what type of monster are you?"  Dean Hardscrabble, from the movie, Monsters University.

Apply this to leadership...

____________ is the true measure of a leader.  

If you're not ____________, then what type of leader are you?

Monsters in the movie had to be scary to generate energy for their world.  Energy was their core responsibility.  

What is the core responsibility, or single attribute of an effective leader in your organization, that affects everything they do?  

Without this behavior, they can never be their best.  Wait a minute.  Let's change this discussion... Without this behavior, YOU can never be your best.

You will always be:

• Busy
• Struggling to keep up
• Missing deadlines
• Compromising quality
• Leading others inconsistently
• Not achieving the maximum results you desire
• Getting older as opportunities for meaningful legacy diminish

What is the defining behavior of great leaders? In Jim Collins' famous work, Good to Great, his team studied 1,435 companies and identified only 11 that met their standards as truly "Great" companies

In this classic work that was completed 15 years ago, what was the one defining characteristic of all 11 leaders of those companies? Humility.

So, is humility the true measure of a leader? It is vitally important, but not the defining factor. Humility is a symptom of a deeper core value:  Good character.

REFLECT ON THIS:

Good character  

is the true measure of a leader.

If you're not someone of good character, 

then what type of leader are you?

Next week we will discuss the key attributes of a leader with good character. The following week we will discuss how a person develops their character.

I encourage you to send us one or more behaviors of a leader with good character.  I welcome your stories.  Anything you feel is significant about character in people you know or have studied.  Please only send stories that I can publish in this newsletter for the benefit of others.

How much more could you accomplish if you focused on improving your character more than your skills and knowledge? I suspect you spend regular time developing your skills, increasing your knowledge, and expanding your business relationships.  

How much time this month that you spent specifically on developing your character?  It has been 12 days so far this month.  Most people have not spent 12 minutes developing their character in July 2016.

How could your life pivot if you invested more time in becoming the person you want to be internally at your core, rather than spending all of your time on the external attributes of leadership?

Have a great week!

P.S.  Why not work with me and a group of your peers to improve?  Our  next Certified LEADER class starts in two days, on Friday, July 15.

Sign-up to work on specific weaknesses you have in your leadership, and to further build upon your strengths.

Are You The Tortoise or The Hare?

Who gets there faster, the person who has some of the information and starts the journey earlier; or the person who collects all the information and waits to start the journey until everything is just right?

Neither of them are faster.  In a moment, let me explain why

Which person are you?  The proverbial hare or the tortoise?  (Written fable or 1934 Disney movie)

Based on my coaching with hundreds of leaders, let me give you 1 QUICK TIP on how a hare or a tortoise can be more productive and improve relationships with others by being a better listener.

THE HARE

This person has a high sense of urgency.  They may have a psychological motivation to overcome an internal belief that they are not good enough.  They move too fast as part of an ongoing effort to prove others wrong and be "good enough."

The objective to prove yourself "good enough" is as impossible as finding the nickel in the corner of a round room.  The reason is, the target always moves.  When you reach one level of being good enough, then you have to go to another level.  It is an evil, torturous game.

ADVICE FOR THE HARE:  Who you are is not defined by your worst moments.

Your current approach is to get just enough information and then jump to conclusions.  You have a passion to solve the problem and a fear of damage if the issue is not resolved quickly.  This is good, when actions are taken in balance with complete information on the situation.

Unfortunately the hare can jump too fast...  What can you do?

Change your strategy.  Here is one option:

1. Recognize the trigger that ignites your fear and desire to prove yourself.
2. Redirect your fear of the cost of doing nothing, to the fear of the cost of the damage you cause when you make a wrong decision or deliver an incomplete solution that will not last.
3. Slow down.  Stop doing all the talking.  Stop driving.  Start investigating.
4. Engage with others.  Do not fly solo.  There is wisdom in many counselors.
5. You have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth.  Observe with your eyes.  Listen with your ears.  Wait to communicate solutions.  Speak less, and at this stage, only to ask questions.
6. Develop your plan of action.  Get feedback from others.
7. Now you have complete information, full assessment of the risks involved, and a step-by-step strategy to success.  Play to your strengths:  Apply your passion and sense of urgency to drive the process forward to fully complete one step and move to the next.  Repeat this cycle until the process is complete, solution in place, and testing of the solution can begin.

I have been the hare and battle its re-emergence on a daily basis.  Why?  Because bad habits never go away.  You have to overpower them with new, better habits.  The battle between the old and new never ends.

THE TORTOISE

As the proverb suggests, the tortoise is the opposite of the hare.  This person would rather make no decision than a wrong decision.  Even if the status quo is flawed, it is more comfortable to them because the risks and pain are understood.

The objective of this person is often to avoid pain because they have not fully dealt with the pain of their past.  Therefore details, analysis, and thought delay action as "Rome burns."

ADVICE FOR THE TORTOISE:  Who you are is not defined by what you know, but by what you do.

Your current approach is to research all possible information, consider and reconsider possible solutions, discuss issues and options, develop a thorough plan, and then implement the plan methodically... and often behind schedule. 

Unfortunately the tortoise can move too slow...  What can you do?

Change your strategy.  Here is one option:

1. Recognize the trigger that ignites your lack of trust in others and new solutions.
2. Redirect your fear to trust in something that might fail, to focus more of your fear on the cost of doing nothing.
3. Set a deadline to draft a solution that is sooner than you would typically define.  Play to your strengths:  Begin research and conversations to fully understand the issues and options for resolution.
4. Engage with others.  Do not fly solo.  There is wisdom in many counselors.
5. People may disagree with you.  Hear them out and hold them / their ideas to the same standards you demand of yourself.  Avoid asking the same question multiple times in only slightly different ways to try to get a different answer.  This irritates people.
6. Develop your plan of action with feedback from others.  Divide the responsibilities fairly.  Define the schedule for deliverables and accountability.
7. Initiate action.  Meet deadlines.  Have meetings to communicate with others who are involved as often as necessary.  Start and end the meetings on time.  Be a role model for quality, quantity, and timeliness of work.  Have accountability as a group.

The tortoise does a great job of getting to the right destination, but needs to better balance initiating action and speed with quality of work and communicating with others in ways they prefer.

In contrast, the hare does an excellent job of initiating action, but lacks information and thus solutions are incomplete or incorrect.

Most of us are more of a hare or a tortoise.  Acknowledging this we can work to improve our habits so we can leverage our strengths better and avoid the pains of our weaknesses.

Neither the tortoise nor the hare is better.  

They are just different.

One of our key responsibilities as leaders is to help them work and communicate more effectively together.

Do you move too fast, or too slow?  Could you be a better leader?  

Why not work with me and a small group of your peers to improve?  Our  next Certified LEADER class starts on July 15.

Sign-up to work on specific weaknesses you have in your leadership, and to further build upon your strengths.

Leaders must change to stay ahead of the game and grow.  I help leaders like you become better.  We work on leadership skills and systems to hire, manage, develop, and retain top performers, and your systems to grow a thriving company culture.  Contact us if you, other leaders you know, and/or your company wants to be better.

Here is what you should do to be a fully engaged leader

Last week I suggested you assess your leadership habits against the low standards of an Arrogant Spaced-Out Boss.

This begs the question, "Well then, what is an example of a leader who is fully engaged in developing themselves and their company culture?"

I do not believe leadership models are set in concrete.  Everyone is different.  Nevertheless the following can be a guideline for you to consider how to better apply yourself in a leadership role:

#1 - Sanctuary

Schedule a recurring event in Outlook or your other calendar program to spend at least 30 minutes weekly in self-accountability. 

Consider this baseball metaphor when planning to set aside this time.  You are competing to win.  The team fighting against you are your bad habits, broken systems, and people. 

The name of the opposing team is the Interruptions.  You need to stop their offensive threat (get three "outs" to retire their side so you can return to offense).

Schedule Out:  Enter your Sanctuary time in your calendar.  Make certain others know this is a time when you are not to be interrupted. 

Shut Out:  Close your office door.  Put a sign on the door that you are in Sanctuary time, or some of our clients like to call it Stealth Mode:  You may be in the office, and continue to be highly dangerous, but for a period of time you need to be invisible.

Tech Out:  Turn-off email, instant messenger, do not answer your desk phone or mobile phone, and respond only to emergency texts. 

Why is this important?  According to www.ScienceDirect.com...

You have an

Average of 87 interruptions per day

22 external interruptions

65 triggered by you

It typically takes over 23 minutes to get back on task

18% percent of your interrupted tasks are not revisited that day

Here is a simple Sanctuary agenda:

• How did I do on last week's W.I.N.? What's Important Now - My 1-3 most important objectives for the prior week.
• Where am I on my goals this year? Am I on track?  What action is needed?
• What is my W.I.N. for this upcoming week? Schedule time during Monday-Wednesday to complete these activities in your calendar.  Why early in the week?  So when you have to fight fires you have time to catch-up on Thursday-Friday and still advance your objectives.
• Who am I responsible for, and how are they doing? Follow a similar 3-step process for your direct reports that you did for yourself above.

#2 - Leadership

Schedule a 1-2 hour investment of your time weekly to develop your leadership skills, knowledge and/or habits. Develop your soft skills. Carefully plan your calendar. Confirm you are maintaining a balance within your work responsibilities. Confirm you are balancing your career and personal life. Consider major decisions.

This time is a priority.  Schedule this work during Monday-Wednesday.

The best leaders invest in developing themselves weekly.  It is an ongoing process.  The excuses of being too busy, no options, or whatever, are bogus.  The excuses are all lies we tell ourselves so we can stay in our comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone!

Training and professional development have one of the highest ROI's of any business expenditure.  You have to set the example by first investing in yourself.

#3 - Culture

If you do not invest in your culture, then who will? If you do not make culture a priority, then why should anyone else? 

Leaders are role models.  You have to set the standard through your behavior, not just talk a good game of leadership and company culture. Demonstrate good character by first being the leader and company culture example you want others to be.

Schedule a 1-2 hour investment of your time weekly to develop your company's culture.  Here are two quick ideas:

• Ask everyone in a weekly or monthly team meeting to explain how they lived out one of your company culture cornerstones (mission, values, vision).  Focusing on this is good for the individual, and hearing how others have lived them out is also inspirational.
• Work on a project that strengthens an aspect of your 3strands LEADERSHIP.  For instance, improve the efficiency of 1:1 or team meeting schedules;  spend time individually with employees to confirm they are doing meaningful work in your organization;  and/or improve or implement your recognition program.

This time is a priority.  Schedule this work during Monday-Wednesday.

Sanctuary + Leadership + Culture = Growth

It takes 90 days or longer to develop new habits, but first you have to define what you want to change.  Then schedule the activities to bring about the improvement in your leadership and company culture.

Do this on your own.  Do it together with a peer or a mentor.  Do it with a coach like me.

This will be one of the best decisions you ever make in your career. If you want my help 1:1, or you want to reward a manager with training on becoming a better leader, then consider our next Certified LEADER class that starts the week of July 11.

Arrogant S.O.B.

Have you ever considered how your behaviors may communicate to others that you are an Arrogant Spaced-Out Boss ("Arrogant S.O.B.")? Part of the dictionary definition of "arrogant" is arrogant people assume they know something, and/or they are smarter than someone else.

Assumptions are one of the most common failures of leaders. You can try to hide behind all kinds of humble phrases and body language, but in the end your actions speak much louder than your words.

Are you really humble like Jim Collins' Level 5 Leaders, or just a poser?

My system of 3strands LEADERSHIP does NOT include being an Arrogant Spaced-Out Boss. So just between you and me, are there situations where maybe you are thinking a bit too highly of yourself? Here is a quick 5 question quiz to consider whether you might be an Arrogant Spaced-Out Boss, and if so, what you can do about it:

#1 - Realistically, how often do you assume something and later find out your conclusion was at least partially incorrect?

Daily     Weekly    Monthly     Never, I'm perfect

#2 - Do you believe leadership and the strength of your company culture determine the magnitude of growth and profit for your organization?

Yes     No

#3 - How many hours do you typically invest each week to develop your leadership skills?  (You can use last week as an example...)

<1 hour     1-2 hours     3-5 hours     >5 hours

#4 - How many hours do you typically invest the week to develop a stronger culture within your company?  (You can use last week as an example...)

<1 hour     1-2 hours     3-5 hours     >5 hours

#5 - When is the last time you paid to gain someone's knowledge through coaching, a learning event, book, or other method...  and then decided you know more than they do and cut short the learning experience?

Yesterday     Last week     Last month     Rarely

-----------------------------------------------------------

Your life journey may be different than mine, but let me walk you through what I suggest are the typical answers a truly great leaders:

#1 - Realistically, how often do you assume something and later find out your conclusion was at least partially incorrect?

Daily     Weekly    Monthly     Never, I'm perfect

3strands LEADER:  Even the best leaders make mistakes.  Making decisions and taking actions based on assumptions happens to all leaders.  The best are probably pretty good at limiting how often they make this mistake, and are honest enough to admit it is an ongoing struggle.

#2 - Do you believe leadership and the strength of your company culture determine the magnitude of growth and profit for your organization?

Yes     No

3strands LEADER:  Leadership determines who you hire, how they are managed, whether they are developed professionally, and the percentage of top performers your organization retains.  Your culture determines employee engagement, productivity, and customer retention.  This question's answer is an easy "yes." 

#3 - How many hours do you typically invest the week to develop your leadership skills?  (You can use last week as an example...)

<1 hour     1-2 hours     3-5 hours     >5 hours

3strands LEADER:  The best leaders invest in developing themselves weekly.  This is an ongoing process.  It never ends.  The excuses of being too busy, no budget, or whatever are bogus.  

The excuses are all lies.  If you truly want to be a great leader then you first have to invest in yourself.

Do you remember the government-required airplane safety announcement you have to endure before your commercial airline takes off?  The reason you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first is so you can help save others.  You stop functioning if you cannot breathe.  In a similar way, if you are not growing as a leader then your ability to develop your employees and company is constrained, if not eventually dead.

1-2 Hours of work weekly to expand your knowledge, be coached or mentored, and/or do a variety of other activities to grow as a leader is a minimum requirement...  and a huge blessing, not a burden or a curse.

You do not do this, you say? 

Is your issue ego, or an inability to prioritize what is truly important?

Figure it out.  Take action.  Move on.

#4 - How many hours do you typically invest the week to develop a stronger culture within your company?  (You can use last week as an example...)

<1 hour     1-2 hours     3-5 hours     >5 hours

3strands LEADER: There is a minimum requirement of 1-2 hours weekly to develop a stronger company culture.  This time is in addition to the time you spend developing yourself as a leader.

What I am saying is you have to spend a minimum of 5-10 percent of your week (2-4 hours) developing yourself and your company culture.

Are you doing this every week? If you are honest, most of you will answer "no." Then get a mentor or coach immediately.  Or work with some peers for accountability.  Do something. Every moment you delay is costing you thousands of dollars.

BUY WHAT IF YOU CAN'T?

Let someone else lead your company or team.

#5 - When is the last time you paid to gain someone's knowledge through coaching, a learning event, book, or other method...  and then decided you know more than they do?

Yesterday     Last week     Last month     Rarely

3strands LEADER:  Wise leaders choose their learning opportunities carefully.  Once chosen, they find something to learn from that individual even if it is a small percentage of the overall teaching.  In rare cases they may need to cut the teaching short because they made a mistake and it is a waste of their time.

BEWARE:  Once you committed to learn from someone, make certain you fully explored the service you purchased before canceling. 

It is common for busy leaders to make assumptions and stop investing time in learning opportunities that actually could help them better achieve their career and organizational objectives.

Why? Because they are busy.  Their work is important.  They are good leaders anyway... Fools.

I encourage you not to be an Arrogant Spaced-Out Boss. You can do better. To be better you have to intentionally set aside time weekly to develop yourself as a leader, and your company's culture.

Do you want help?

MANAGEtoWIN has the only Certified LEADER training program for managed service providers and other technology entrepreneurs.

If not our program, then another proven training program that is at least six months long.  Why six months?

Because the real value is not knowledge transfer, but developing the skills, learning new habits, and implementing proven leadership systems.

In essence the value is becoming a better leader, not understanding how to become one.

Our next Certified LEADER class starts the week of July 11.  Sign-up to work on specific weaknesses you have in your leadership, and to further build upon your strengths.

Checklist of what I teach

Last week I promised to send you what I teach in our six-month Certified LEADER training program.

First, do you qualify to learn these skills and new habits on your own, or for me?

Most participants in our Certified LEADER program are self-taught leaders.  Some have just been promoted after being a team lead and/or superstar employee.  Others have been in management for decades.  Some are owners.  

So far, everyone in the program is a leader in an IT managed services provider.

Darren German, Service Manager at NUMA Networks in Southern California recently graduated as a Certified LEADER.  He had this to say about the program:

Dave, his employees, and his Certified LEADER program are the best.  Period. Dave communicates extremely well and he doesn't leave any wiggle or assumption room in letting you know exactly what to expect from his course.  He provides SO much extra assistance outside of the classroom and his staff respond professionally and timely.

I feel so much more prepared as a leader in my organization now, my time is mine again, and I've been able to pass on many of the wonderful lessons I've learned.

The secret is each student in the program, along with their boss, defines specifically what they will learn in the program.  This varies per person, but there are some common themes.

Here is a sample of what a student's objectives might look like at the beginning of the program:

#1 Leadership

• Develop better delegating skills
• Learn how to define and work an employee through a performance improvement plan
• Learn how to complete annual reviews with direct reports
• Learn how to hire better people instead of good actors

#2 Team Management

• Develop the soft skills of my team
• Improve communication between engineers and account managers
• Update employee strategic plans for each team member
• Devise a plan to work with my team to recognize their triggers and respond more intentionally to them

#3 Prioritizing / time management

• Update my own employee strategic plan
• Sanctuary
• Weekly W.I.N.
• Stealth mode

#4 Other people's communication preferences

• Develop my ability to fully discern other people's core behaviors and motivators/driving forces
• Adapt my communication style to the other person's preferences
• How to recognize people in ways they prefer

#5 Establishing clear, measurable goals

• Revise my goals to be more clear and measurable
• Ideas to reinforce our self-motivating environment for my team to achieve their goals
• How to deliver negative news encouragingly, and with next steps people want to support
• How to meet or exceed the expectations of others more consistently.

#6 Be a near-perfect yet real role model

• Consider ways to build upon my strengths in listening and questioning
• Response to negativity from a direct report, peer, owner, or client
• Implement systems to have everyone live out our Company culture cornerstones.

Some students have a shorter list.

You may want to try to learn these things on your own, or this list may inspire you to create a self improvement plan for yourself.

However, I encourage you to learn with other leaders. We have the only Certified LEADER training program for managed service providers and another technology entrepreneurs.

If not our program, then another proven training program that is at least six months long.  Why six months?  Because the real value is not knowledge transfer, it is developing the skills, learning new habits, and implementing proven leadership systems.

Our learning process has three components AFTER you define clear, measurable objectives you want to learn in our Certified LEADER program:

#1 - Live, online group training with your peers, led by me.

#2 - 1:1 Coaching with me.

#3 - You can reach out to me anytime you have a specific employee issue and want my advice.

Our next Certified LEADER class is filling-up.  Sign-up to work on specific weaknesses you have in your leadership, and to further build upon your strengths.

Goodbye for now, Mom

I apologize for being a way for a month.  On May 2 my 88-year-old mother passed away.  I have just not been able to maintain my typical work schedule. In memoriam, I'd like to relate her virtues as a mother and a person to those of a leader.

The second strand of 3strands LEADERSHIP is Meaningful Work. The third strand is Sincere Gratitude.

Leaders are wise to learn from the examples of loving mothers (and other parents) when it comes to these two disciplines.  Great mothers have a lasting impact on the lives of their children, grandchildren, and others for years after they have passed away.

I encourage you to consider three reminders of great leadership from my Mom:

#1 - She always believed in me

I have had failures and continue to make mistakes, but Mom was always an encourager.  When mistakes occurred, there were questions, discussion, and a focus on how to learn and move on.  There was no bitterness, unforgiveness, or withheld love.

As leaders, reinforcing our belief in the potential of our people rather than harping on their past is an act of Sincere Gratitude that communicates we value the members of our team.  If someone is failing to meet our expectations then our responsibility is to help them improve.

If they cannot improve through our standard processes and communications (Systematic Power), then we must put them on a formal 90 day performance improvement plan ("PIP") to emphasize their need to do better.  If they cannot, then the best thing for both parties is to let them go, and encourage them in their next opportunity.

Great leaders believe in their people.

#2 - She was a teacher

My Mom taught fourth and fifth graders for about seven years when I was a teenager.  My parents struggled to make ends meet, although they hid that from us kids.  Mom went back to school and got her teaching credentials so she could contribute.

Mom loved teaching.  She worked so hard with the kids and tried to hold things together on the homefront, that it was common she would be crying driving home from her school on Friday afternoons.  She had given all that she could.  She had encouraged.  She had energized.  She had believed in each one of her students.

Even during the last two years as her health declined, she welcomed any opportunity to read a story to our four adopted children or help them learn something about nature, the plants in our garden, or Dave the Pig that lived next door (No relation to me...).

She was always patient and encouraging with the children, as she was with me.  She believed in a better future.  She was thankful for what she had.  She tried her best to never quit.

Great leaders take the time to patiently, encouragingly teach.

#3 - She was always glad to see me

Whether it was a phone call or a visit to her home, Mom always started the conversation with joy in her voice, thanking me for reaching out.

My sister, Janet, worked incredibly hard to coordinate schedules of up to eight different caregivers during these past 2-3 years as Mom's health faded.  She was also often there at Mom's place helping her over a weekend, or interrupting her week if a caregiver canceled.  Mom loved Janet and appreciated all that she did for her.

I spent less time with Mom than Janet.  Part of me felt that Mom's enthusiastic greetings to me were unearned and undeserved.  I stopped by less often, cracked a few jokes to make her laugh, and did not stay as long as Janet.  But my Mom's love was not based on my performance.

Think back to how much it touched you when someone greeted you enthusiastically.  Whether it was love, thankfulness, or something else that was sincere... there is something special about being sincerely welcomed with joy.  The greeting may have been quiet, or it may have been loud.  But it was real.  Sincere Gratitude is powerful.

Great leaders greet people with appreciation.

I hope you are blessed in your relationships with your parents.  May you also demonstrate these three attributes in your personal and professional leadership.

It's the end of May.  2016 will be over before we know it.  Are you focusing on what is truly most important?  Are you working "on" your business, or spending too much time "in" it?

Is your old way wrong?

I was recently working with a leader who had decades of experience.  I was encouraging him to consider doing something differently.

He complained, "I have been doing this for 20 years.  Are you saying I've been doing it wrong for 20 years?"  

What do you think should have been my response?

I avoided a direct rebuttal.  I replied empathetically, "Not necessarily, but standards have changed.  20 years ago I used nails to build a fence in my yard.  Now I use screws.  Were nails wrong 20 years ago?  No.  But screws are better..."

Dr. Henry Cloud wrote a book 1-2 years ago titled, Never Go Back.  His conclusion is the primary difference between highly successful people and average people is the top performers make mistakes and then vow not to repeat them.  And then they do not repeat those mistakes.

In contrast, average performers repeat mistakes.  Constantly.

Seth Godin in his blog post this morning said the following: 

The tidal wave is overrated

Yes, it can lead to wholesale destruction, but it's the incessant (but much smaller) daily tidal force that moves all boats, worldwide.

And far more powerful than either is the incredible impact of seepage, of moisture, of the liquid that makes things grow.

Facebook and other legendary companies didn't get that way all at once, and neither will you.

We can definitely spend time worrying about/building the tsunami, but it's the drip, drip, drip that will change everything in the long run.

Great leaders are systematic in what they do to avoid mistakes, improve efficiency, and increase effectiveness to fuel growth.

Every day they take the time to refocus themselves on what is truly most important and to avoid mistakes.  This is a key drip, drip, drip leadership cycle or rhythm necessary to be your best.  It may not have the glamour of your photo on the cover of a major magazine, but these leaders are positively impacting the lives of millions of people.

Unfortunately most people are not great leaders.  The primary difference is they choose to not apply what they learn, and/or could learn.

The way you do things today might get them done, but what would happen if you chose to dedicate yourself to 1-3 higher standards?  Would...

• Your employees be more engaged and fulfilled in their work?
• Your Clients be happier with the products and services you provide?
• You be spending more of your time achieving your goals instead of trying to hold things together?

If your career is comfortable and that's the way you like it, then enjoy.

However, for those of us who still want to change the world, we are about one-third of the way through 2016.  If you want to improve, then the best time is always now.

Three disciplines to achieve your destiny

The primary hurdle to maximizing our success is ourselves.  Here is a relatively simple three-step process to move beyond any pain of your past to better apply your strengths to achieve your true potential.

DISCIPLINE #1

Your past does not define you.  Your past prepares you to achieve your potential IF YOU PROPERLY APPLY IT.

Rather than let your mistakes drag you down...

• Consider the lessons learned
• Commit to never repeat those mistakes
• Develop an awareness of the triggers that led you to make poor decisions, and
• Put processes in place to make different decisions in the future when you are triggered / tempted to repeat a mistake.

When you hear that taunting voice inside you or the sneers of the arrogant, then remind yourself your life's game is not over yet.  Read this prophecy from The Lord of the Rings while you envision how you will make better decisions and experience more prosperous outcomes in the future:

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost;

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king."

     - JRR Tolkien

"...The crownless again shall be king."  That is you.  Believe there is something more significant that yourself happening in your life.  Easter not a time of death, but of resurrection.  These days are not a reminder of defeat, but of destiny.

Play to your strengths.  Renew your vision, rekindle your hope, and refocus with laser-like focus on the meaningful work that is before you.  In your own world, community, family, relationships, and spirit...  you were born to be a queen or king.  You are impacting the lives of others.  That is certain.

The question is, are you shredding the orcks that jump into your daily firefight to detour you from your quest?  Increase your focus.  Have faith in your future.

DISCIPLINE #2

Jessica Stillman posted an article to Inc. Magazine this week about the mental tricks Olympians leverage to perform their best.

Physical fitness and good health are critical to your long-term prosperity.  Most of us will never invest the tens of thousands of hours to become an Olympic athlete, however all of us can apply the proven visualization techniques great Olympians leverage to achieve more than they have in the past.

Charles Duhigg, the author I recommend for his books The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better..., is quoted by Stillman in her article.  He says:

"Your brain has to decide what deserves attention and what deserves to be ignored, and the way it does it is compare what we expect is going to happen to what's actually going on," Duhigg told Quartz in an interview.  When you've visualized your day before embarking on it, you make it easier for your brain to screen out irrelevant information and catch the important stuff that's going on.

This simple but powerful mental preparation, "...primes our brain to be able to pay attention to the right things," Duhigg says.

Science of Us blogger Melissa Dahl in her write-up of Duhigg's book comments, "Those who keep it together under pressure are storytellers, essentially.  They narrate their own lives to themselves--things that have just happened, things that are about to happen.  They daydream about the day ahead and review the hours that have already passed.

(My summary)  Why daydream?  Visualization trains your brain where to focus and how to ignore the less relevant or less important stuff.  Some scientists call this "mental modeling."

"Duhigg suggests spending your commute imagining your day, envisioning with as much specificity as you can what you expect to happen, step by step.  This way, so the theory goes, when something goes awry, you'll spot it quickly, and you can compare it to the script you already worked out in your head.... That script helps you figure out how everyday interruptions fit into the big picture--which, in turn, helps you figure out what deserves your attention and what can be ignored," Dahl writes.

How true...  Can't we all gain from more easily and QUICKLY discerning what deserves our attention and what must be ignored?

Basically I recommend Discipline #1 helps you gain ground by assessing your past with a proper perspective that gives you a leg up as you climb to the next ledge of your mountain (metaphor).

Then Discipline #2 enables you to focus your time, energy, and interactions to reach that next ledge of the rock wall you are climbing, ledge by ledge, until your reach the top / achieve your destiny.

What holds these two disciplines together? 

DISCIPLINE #3

The third discipline is the third strand of the rope enabling you to climb your mountain:  Habit.  

Develop a new habit, a daily discipline more powerful than your bad habits and temptations of rabbit trails and bad decisions.  

End each day with a reminder of your restoration (Discipline #1) and visualization of your plans (Discipline #2).  Then you are much better equipped to achieve your destiny.

Unless of course you're insane, or totally unrealistic...  but in those situations you need a professional therapist not a leadership coach like me.  :)

Think about the insanity option for a moment.  Hitler instinctively lived these disciplines.  Mao Zedong of China and Joseph Stalin of the USSR did this.  On a more positive note, I suggest Florence Nightingale, Mother Teresa, President George Washington, President Abraham Lincoln, and President Ronald Reagan had these habits too.

You can do this.

Stealing or not? The nuances of integrity

It was the evening of February 13, Valentine's Day Eve.  A friend of mine drove to Safeway to purchase four Valentine's Day cards and Starbucks gift cards.  The total cost was about $60.

Because my friend also purchased some produce, they put the gift and greeting cards in the child's seat area of the shopping cart.  However, when loading everything into their car they forgot the gift and greeting cards.

$60 gone.  Major bummer.  They called the store the next day and asked if anything had been turned in.  Nope, nothing. Don't worry, I'll relate this anecdote to your business. Just a few thoughts:

Based on the evidence there is only one high probability scenario that could have occurred:

1. The wind blew so hard that the greeting and gift cards blew from the cart and were discarded as litter.  (Low probability)
2. Someone found the greeting and gift cards in the cart, and thought it was a store promotion.  They felt the love of Valentine's and kept them for themselves.  (Low probability, except in the Land of the Tiny Brained Folk)
3. Someone found the greeting and gift cards in the cart, and turn them in to the Lost and Found at the store.  A store employee kept them for themselves.  (Low-medium probability)
4. Someone found the greeting and gift cards in the cart, and kept them for themselves.  (High probability)

Therefore the odds are high that someone found the greeting and gift cards in the cart, and said something like, "Score!"  Then they kept the bounty for themselves.  Finders keepers, losers weepers, right?  Or, "If they are so stupid as to leave them in the cart, then it's their tough luck."  Or some other judgment of their foolishness to justify retaining the prize for themselves.  Another option is a store employee took them, which is clearly stealing.

Let's assume it was a random stranger, were they stealing by keeping these $60 worth of stuff for themselves? Stay with me now.

Let's flip it around.  Say you are the person who left a cart with $60 worth of stuff in it.  Someone found it, perhaps a stranger, or maybe a store employee. 

What do you want the person who finds it to do with your stuff?

If they do not turn it into the Lost and Found at the store, then are they stealing from you? Just for fun, pose these scenarios to others and see how they respond.

Based on my life experience, here are the options for someone with integrity:

1. If you keep something that does not belong to you without trying to find its rightful owner, then I was raised to believe that is stealing.  Another way to look at it is based on The Golden Rule, where we ALWAYS treat others the way we want to be treated.
2. You take the $60 worth of stuff you found and bring it into the store.  You ask for a store manager and explain the situation.  My expectation is there is a possibility they can track who purchased it if the customer is a member of the Safeway Club.  You leave the merchandise there and wish them a Happy Valentine's Day.  You trust Safeway employees to be honest.

Let me tell you a story from decades ago that taught me a different perspective should I be faced with this type of scenario, which I have been at times.

My grandfather on my mother's side, Chester MacPhee (Grandpa), took the entire family to Hawaii one-year.  All told there were about 30 of us.  One of the places we stayed was the Mauna Kea Resort on the big Island of Hawaii.  During our stay one of my young adult cousins found a diamond ring in the sand while sunbathing on the beach.

She asked Grandpa what to do about it.  My grandfather had served for 12 years on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and been in charge of customs for the federal government in the San Francisco Bay Area.  His perspective on things that were lost and then found was interesting.

Particularly due to the value of the diamond ring, he advised my cousin to notify the hotel that she had found a diamond ring on the beach, but not give them the ring.  She left her contact information and informed them that anyone who had lost a diamond ring on the beach prior to our stay may contact her.  If they could correctly describe the ring, then she would give it to them.

Why take this approach?

Grandpa's experience was that employees and other people with access to a Lost and Found take items for themselves.  Sometimes this is immediately, and in other instances it is after a reasonable period of time has passed.  Either way, his opinion was the person who found the lost item should have the first opportunity to own it if it is not claimed within a reasonable period of time.  That is only fair because they found it, and were honest enough to notify the proper people of their discovery.

I am NOT recommending this approach every time you find something that someone has lost.  However, it is a consideration depending on the value of the item, the urgency of its return, and possibly other considerations.

I hope you appreciate this advice, it is something I will always remember.  Of course, to follow it your heart must be in the right place.  You must sincerely be willing to return the item to its rightful owner, either by turning it into a Lost & Found or if they step forth and describe it to you.

Finally, this is a good scenario to discuss with your employees.  How does this relate to your company values and how you want them to behave when no one is looking?

One way to discuss this with your team is to explain and discuss my real-life situations above, then give them scenarios that are more challenging in their work environment.  For instance:

1. You find a wallet with $324 in it, but no identification.  What should you do?
2. You find a pair of $100 sunglasses in the parking lot of our offices.  You cannot think of anyone in our company that wears those type of sunglasses.  They look awesome on you.  What should you do?
3. You find five $20 bills wrapped together on the floor in the cafeteria.  You are short of cash.  Is this a miracle or gift from God?  What should you do?
4. You find a brand-new 128GB iPad in the box on the ground in your parking lot.  You have dreamed of one, or at least can easily think of how you would enjoy it.  What should you do?
5. You find a really nice pen laying on the floor in the hallway of your office.  It's actually a type of pen that you would really like to use yourself.  What should you do?

The list can go on.  At some point change the conversation to where your people are finding things at a client's site.  How do you want them to behave there?

It may shock you, but integrity is a soft skill that affects every decision your employees make.  Without a common agreement on how to behave with integrity, many companies fail.  An example I always bring up is Enron.

This is why Dave's Charm School includes a course on Character Counts.  Salesforce says 77% of employers say soft skills are just as important as hard (technical) skills.  But most I.T. / managed service providers we meet do NOT teach soft skills.

We have to change to stay ahead of the game and grow.  I help leaders become better.  We work on leadership skills and systems to hire, manage, develop, and retain top performers, plus company culture, sales management, and strategic marketing.  Contact us if you, other leaders you know, and/or your company wants to improve.

Do your people know what makes your company different?

In strong company cultures leaders are role models who are not just instinctive about their company culture cornerstones, but students of it.

While the political wheels of an election year are turning, take a minute to answer these three questions about an entity that everyone has heard of: the United States of America.

1.  How many stars are in the American flag, and why were stars chosen?

There are 50 stars, representing the 50 states.  From a book about the flag published in 1977 by the House of Representatives.

The star is a symbol of the heavens and the divine goal to which man has aspired from time immemorial...

2.  How many stripes are there in the American flag, and why were stripes chosen as part of the design?

There are 13 stripes, representing the original 13 colonies that declared independence from Great Britain.  That same book about the flag published in 1977 by the House of Representatives explains...

... the stripe is symbolic of the rays of light emanating from the sun.

3.  What do the colors, red, white and blue in the American flag stand for?

White signifies purity and innocence;  Red, hardiness & valour;  and Blue, signifies vigilance, perseverance & justice.*

*These colors were actually defined in the design of America's Great Seal and then applied to our flag.  Learn more at U.S. Flag.

I have known the answers to #1 and #2 above since childhood, but I do not remember ever being taught the significance of the colors in America's Great Seal and flag. Consider the depth of character that was communicated, taught, and reinforced in this symbol of culture.

Where would America be today if every LEADER was a role model for these aspects of our cultural cornerstones that were the foundation of our nation? Similarly, it is the parents (leaders) of a family that determine its destiny, fate, and legacy.

When it comes to your company, do your people REALLY KNOW what makes your company different? Do they feel it in their heart?

If they do, how do you build upon that daily and weekly? If they do not, then procrastination about improving employee engagement is failure. You lose.  Your people lose (and their families).  Your clients lose.

Yet it does not have to be this way.

If you have a strong company culture, do not let up.  Continue to invest your time to learn and apply additional ways to improve it even more by playing to your strengths.

If your company culture is weaker than you would like, then do something about it.  2015 is gone.  So are they years before it.  You have a limited number of years ahead in your career.

Do it now.

We have to change to stay ahead of the game and grow.  I help leaders become better.  We work on leadership skills and systems to hire, manage, develop, and retain top performers, plus company culture, sales management, and strategic marketing.  Contact us if you, other leaders you know, and/or your company wants to improve.

How to avoid complete failure

Are you running like the hare, but succeeding at the pace of a tortoise (fable)?  Or is it worse, you actually are failing in some key areas?  Or you have one or more employees that are...

A few weeks ago I had a prospective client text me that his life was a mess.  His business was so challenged that he was having to pull all-nighters to keep up.  There were employee issues, financial challenges, and stress levels at new highs.  In addition to these pressures, his personal life was under fire because of the ongoing bad habits he had as a leader.

He was tired.  Depressed.  He felt like a failure and wanted to quit.

I texted back:  Failure is a choice, not an event.  If you are ready to do the work, we can get through this.

"Failure is a choice, not an event" was given to me by that soft voice who often advises and encourages me, and I need to listen to more consistently.  I checked online to see if someone else had already given this advice, and could not find anything.

Zig Ziglar is known for saying something different yet similar:  "Failing is an event, not a person.  Yesterday ended last night."  I like that.

One fact for you to consider this morning is:  Failure is inevitable.  What is under your control is the frequency and the magnitude of your mistakes, and whether they ultimately descend into complete failure versus a momentary lapse that you can quickly recover from.

You chose to be a leader.  Failures, whether they be yours or the result of someone else's decisions and actions, are an opportunity for you to demonstrate the quality of your leadership.  It is a blessed opportunity to positively impact the world around you.  Failure is not a calling to quit, but a challenge to lead.  So do it.

Failure is a choice, not an event. 

Yes, there are times when you have to stop doing something, kill a project, close a business, fire an employee, or end something else.  That ocean wave may have pounded you into the sand for a moment, but your legacy as a leader depends on how wisely you return to the surface and successfully navigate your way past the crest of the next crashing wave, and the next one, and the next one...

When we have something going well, then you want it to grow.  So feed it.  When the opposite occurs and something unhealthy is happening, then do not be a sluggard.  The sluggard avoids making hard decisions according to Dr. Henry Cloud.  When you, your advisors, and/or your team members are convinced something is failing, then do the opposite of what you would do to grow something.  Starve or kill it.  Quickly.

If you are tired and a situation or relationship is clearly not working, then be a leader.  Seek counsel.  Deeply consider the advice of your team.  Make the hard decision.  Learn from it.  And then move on, applying what you learn so that you may achieve more than ever before.

You can do it.

We have to change to stay ahead of the game and grow.

How to motivate a sluggard

Dr. Henry Cloud defines a "sluggard" as someone who avoids making the difficult decisions, and thus is not as productive as they could be. These people can be irritating, or simply frustrating.

Here's a different way to work more effectively with people who irritate you or whom you want to better motivate: Rather than immediately attack the person or disengage so they can continue to behave in ways that are unproductive, pause for some reflective thinking and go on what I call a "resolution run."  The objective is to change our approach to a situation so we can consider new information that leads to a positive resolution

Here are some brief examples.  If the person is...

Not achieving results you want, then study what they believe are meaningful results to accomplish.  Appeal to their interest in achieving those results.

Not keeping others informed, then learn the behaviors they believe are necessary to be trusted.  If reasonable, then encourage them and those who need to be informed to behave that way.

Not submitting their time and/or documenting their work according to your standards, then confirm the standards they have for other people's work.  Have a team discussion about work standards.  Have them set the standards.  Suggest the company should then pay on performance (when your company is paid by clients).  Suggest that since their standards, which are different than yours might delay payment that this could hurt company cash flow as well as lower client satisfaction.  Thus, it makes sense that if their new standards slow cash flow, then your company might have to delay their compensation if lack of documentation motivates clients to not pay on time or stop services.

Not treating you fairly or respectfully, then study their standards for how to interact and/or serve others.  Encourage them to demonstrate the behaviors they deem important for others.

Often you can gain incredible insights into these motivations in the Driving Forces sections of our MANAGEtoWIN Talent Assessments.  Not only do you learn the most intense motivators that drive their behaviors, but they are also required to identify statements that best describe how to work with them.

You also need to validate your conclusions through observation, and data such as situations that happen in your work environment, emails, etc.

WARNING:  Never lose sight of your objective, which is a positive resolution.  You are not gathering this information to attack them.  Similar to a good cop-bad cop negotiation, the standards of your company, clients, and/or the other person's own expectations are the "bad cop."  You are the "good cop" that works with them to meet the standards of the "bad cop."

Why do I suggest this approach?

1. It works, when done sincerely.
2. This process removes assumptions on your part; and when you have discussed your conclusions with the other person, possibly assumptions they have had that are unproductive.
3. This process is respectful and professional when done without malice.
4. This approach should reinforce your company values.
5. This mini-system provides you with new information that can lead to new, better decisions.
6. When you go this route conflict is avoided.
7. And last but not least, understanding why someone does something is more important than how they are doing it.  This is because the why drives the how.

Is interesting to note a similar process can be followed to improve your ability to accomplish something that someone you respect has achieved.  For instance, if someone has achieved something in their career that you want to achieve, then study how their work enables them to live out their personal beliefs.

If someone has achieved financial success in a way that you could also accomplish, then study their beliefs about money and confirm whether their wealth was a fluke, or the result of a process that can be systematically applied in your life.

If someone has one or more relationships that are deeper and more fulfilling than your own, then study how they developed the trust to build and serve those relationships.

I want to thank Anthony Iannarino for inspiring these last four thoughts, even though I took my own spin on them and in this overall teaching. 

If you truly want to learn and grow, then focus more on the why that enables people to achieve meaningful results.  Once you understand that, then you can focus more on how they do their work.

We have to change to stay ahead of the game and grow.  I help leaders become better.  We work on leadership skills and systems to hire, manage, develop, and retain top performers, plus company culture, sales management, and strategic marketing.  Contact me if you, other leaders you know, and/or your company wants to improve.

3 quick lists to change your life

Follow-up is critical if you are to be a great leader. Let me give you three simple lists that will transform your life in 2016 and beyond.  These lists are one way to follow-up on your work last year and hold yourself accountable to growing personally and professionally.

This exercise does not take long.  You can create all three lists while enjoying a single, quiet cup of coffee secluded in your favorite java stop with your mobile phone facedown, if not turned off.

List I:  WRONG DECISIONS

You made a lot of decisions in 2015.  Some of those were bad decisions.  Even though you had done your research, considered the advice of others, prayed about it, thought about it, and "everything" seemed to confirm it was a good decision.

But the actions you took did not achieve the results desired.

List your three most significant Wrong Decisions - only three.  List them in order of disappointment, with the worst disappointment first. These should be the three worst decisions you made in 2015 that cost you, hurt you, and/or set you back.

Ask yourself the following questions about each decision so you can learn from these mistakes and NEVER repeat them again.

• What three facts or opinion ("warnings") indicated it was a bad decision, but you dismissed it? NOTE:  Do you notice that the warnings are usually a quiet voice in your mind?  Temptations typically scream at you or threaten you.
• For each of these warnings, what emotion, bias, or other information convinced you to dismiss it?
• What will you do next time your quiet voice is telling you not to make a decision that you want to make, so you can avoid repeating this mistake?

LIST II: PROCRASTINATION

This list is the three most significant tasks or projects you planned to accomplish to advance your career, cause, or company, yet it was set aside.  (There is no good excuse, except possibly that it should never have been an objective for 2015 in the first place.)

Ask yourself the following questions about each decision so you can avoid procrastination in the future.

• Maybe I have only one major item that I should have done, or possibly it is two or three.  When can I schedule uninterrupted time to regularly work on an important task so this game changer can succeed in 2016?
• Who can hold me accountable to making regular progress on each objective?
• How can I be held accountable weekly to making this progress?  (Yes, weekly.  Do a little at a time and you will be able to "eat your elephant.")

LIST III:  RIGHT DECISIONS

These are the best decisions you made that produced meaningful results in 2015. Ask yourself the following questions about each decision so you can make more decisions like these in 2016 and beyond.

• What process did you follow to decline the temptation of a different decision?
• Who gave you the best advice that helped you make this good decision?
• How can you improve this decision-making process and develop it into a more consistent habit?

I had a great 2015, but I made some mistakes.  I have done this exercise and am looking forward to an even better 2016.  Join me.

This is a new year.  A fresh start.  Whether you "won" or "lost" last year does not matter much.  Now we start the cycle again.  Let's make 2016 our best year yet.

Final Words of Advice for 2015

Here are my final words of advice in 2015 that can help you grow personally and professionally next year in NEW, BOLD ways.

First, answer these questions:

1. Do others do and/or say foolish things?
2. Do others not communicate clearly?
3. Do others lack passion part or all of the time?
4. Do others fail to set clear, measurable objectives?
5. Do others lack focus so they take on too much and the quality of their work is suffering as a result?
6. Do others fail to balance their time so they are less productive than they could be?
7. Do others fail to follow-up and follow-through as promised?
8. Do others not appreciate your contributions enough?
9. Do others fail to meet your expectations?
10. Do others not fully consider what you have to say?

If you want to make next year your best year, then be a better role model.  That will improve all of your answers above.

How to be a better role model

Think.  Think before you act.  Really.  You'd be surprised how often I speak with people about mistakes they made because they reacted to a situation without pausing to consider a better approach.

Adapt.  Consider the core behavioral style of the other person or people to whom you are communicating and adapt your communication style more to their preference.  Appeal to them.  Consider the core motivators of the other person or people to whom you are communicating, and appeal to their interests more than yours.  It will improve your success when negotiating AND the overall mood of every communication.

TARGET.  Set objectives as a clear, measurable T.A.R.G.E.T.:  To - Action Verb - Realistic Goal - Effective measurement - Time bound.  For instance, (To) Close $1M in managed services revenue by December 31 (2016).  At the very least, setting goals allows you to gauge your ability to forecast.  It will give you a target to reach for and a benchmark with which to measure yourself and your company.

Focus.  Learn to say "no" to work that does not relate to your core strengths so you can achieve more, and with higher quality, by focusing on less.

Balance.  Schedule your days realistically with a blend of open time, breaks for refreshment, stretching and clearing your mind, uninterrupted work time, and time to interact with others.

Reliable.  Always follow-up and follow-through as promised.  At the very least, make sure you follow-up once to request more time.  People are relying on you to get work done and they deserve to know the status of your project.

Grateful.  Sincerely appreciate people in the ways they want to be appreciated and do it often.  This is one of the most important pieces of advices I can give.  Gratitude, especially when communicated to another person, is beneficial to the person giving praise AND to the person who is praised.  Be grateful, and let your people know it.

Trustworthy.  Avoid assumptions by clearly defining expectations with others before you commit to action.  Most of the time brief statements are the best way to avoid misunderstandings and disappointments.  Then meet or exceed their expectations.

Comprehend.  When others talk, think of the situation from their perspective, not just their words.  Fully consider what is being said.

Being a role model is one of the toughest challenges for leaders.  We are in the spotlight all the time.  People hold us to higher standards than what they demand of themselves.  So I encourage you to "fix" yourself first and you will see improvement all around you professionally and personally.

I have seen this confirmed by many of my Clients.  Be the leader you want to be and good things will follow.

We can help!

Our next Certified Leader group starts the week of January 11.  This is our most popular program for service managers and other leaders who are in management positions, but need training and/or want to improve.  Use coupon code CL-15 to save $500 through December 28.

Our Talent Assessments are also part of that year-end sale, and several other services. Email us for the coupon codes if you need them.

Have a wonderful Christmas and holiday season!

Laugh until you cry.  Dance like no one is looking.  Be empathetic for those whose lives do not match their dreams.  Be thankful.  We are sincerely thankful for you.

There is a new year ahead.  Let's make it our best.

When to Lie

The message you communicate when you say the phrase, "To be honest..." is that at some other point in your relationship with that person you have been less honest. Therefore I always encourage my Clients to develop the habit of saying, "To be candid..." instead. I believe this idea came from Zig Ziglar decades ago.

In general we believe to have integrity you must be totally honest at all times, but the key consideration is the word, "totally." For instance, if a terrorist is threatening your life, the circumstances may force you to be less than totally honest. It is logical to withhold information, or even lie in that situation for survival.

One cornerstone consideration is our lives can spin out of control if we are dishonest with ourselves. Self-honesty is crucial to our well-being and success. On the other hand, complete transparency with others about the details of our personal and professional lives requires careful discernment. There is a difference between being honest and sharing every little detail. Having integrity does not require us to be foolish.

I am NOT advocating lying. Lying hurts people, including yourself. There are plenty of reasons against lying. I hope none of us ever lie to ourselves, people we love, and our coworkers. My point is that you may need to consider a qualification or two if you want to make a commitment to "never lie" under any circumstances.  That vow by itself is not logical or wise because the statement is too broad.

The challenge, in varying degrees by person, is always demonstrating wise discernment for when less than total honesty and/or full disclosure is appropriate. Let me give you some examples beyond the one above with the terrorist:

1. Unreliable:  At times in our career we may work with people who cannot meet a deadline or be on time to a meeting to save their life. Or at least it seems that way... Therefore we may have to develop a habit of setting a schedule with them that is earlier than the real schedule. For instance, if you want something completed by Friday, you may have to tell them the due date is Wednesday to make certain they do not make you late on your commitments.

2. Fake Questions:  Sometimes we receive a demand for validation that is disguised as a sincere question. For example your spouse or special other may ask, "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" A good habit to learn is to buy a moment of time to think. You might initially respond to their request with a delay, such as, "Hmmm... let me look." Use those few seconds to consider whether they truly want your feedback, or are merely seeking validation of the decision they have already made and will not change.

3. Poor Performers:  Similar to #2 above, we may have coworkers who are performing poorly. We have opportunities to comment on their performance and have to decide whether our response can be totally candid. Unfortunately in many company cultures we have to be careful what we say even when the facts support our conclusion that the person is not contributing as much as they should. Hopefully we can avoid an outright lie, but unless the other party is going to be receptive to our conclusions it is often best to be less than fully honest. Withholding information to avoid confrontation is not ideal, but sometimes necessary.

4. Surprises:  Some of the happiest moments you can give someone else is to surprise them in ways they appreciate. This may require you to be less than truthful for a short amount of time. I think this is self-explanatory, yet this example is a good reminder. "Honesty is the best policy," is true, but sometimes withholding information or redirecting people asking questions rather than answering candidly may be appropriate. (Notice often you can avoid an outright lie.)

5. Promotions:  It may happen in your career that you are offered a promotion that increases your responsibility, but not your authority. These are dangerous offers and should not be confused with opportunities. Most of the time it is a bad decision to accept any promotion unless you can confirm the ways your new authority matches your responsibilities in clear, measurable ways.

In closing, I encourage you to develop a habit of saying, "...to be candid..." and avoid situations that tempt you to lie. Consider walking away instead of adding another unhealthy element to an already unproductive situation.

PLEASE NOTE:  It is a lot easier to remember what you said when you tell the truth all the time, even if at times you believe it is best to withhold some information.

FOLLOW-UP

Consider Dan Busby's 100 Quotes on Trust.  These truisms apply to us all, nonprofit, for profit... any leader.

Thank John Pearson for sending this link along.  John is one of the most respected consultants for Christian nonprofits in the world.  I am blessed to consider him a friend.  Reach out to John if you ever need his type of guidance.  You won't be disappointed.

One question was raised by my email yesterday:  "What is the primary way leaders lie to others?"

If we consider "primary" to mean most often, then I suggest there is one habit that plagues most leaders.  The difference between an average or poor leader, and a truly great one, is the great leaders learn new, more powerful and positive habits and skills to overcome their bad habits.

The most common "lie" of leaders is they:

Fail to fulfill their commitments on time and/or as expected. 

I have several Clients right now who are wondering if I am speaking about them.  The answer is "yes," but "no," not you specifically.

Failing to follow-through means you did not do what you said you would do.  Some people call that a lie.  Others have different words for it.  I suggest too often leaders make commitments overly optimistically, because they do not want to say "no," and/or they do not have good delegating or communication skills.

You need new leadership systems and new habits.  In particular, these new habits take time to develop.  Don't wait!  Contact if you think I may be able to help or have any questions.

Five Rules Every Leader Should Follow

1. The Overnight Rule

Never make an important decision without sleeping on it. It is extremely rare that you absolutely have to make a decision NOW. Delaying decisions provides opportunities to gain new perspective based on new information from new (other) people... plus your own additional insights when you give yourself more time to think about it.

Recently I was acting as the virtual chief sales officer for a Client and we were considering a new hire. The job candidate was strong in many areas, but was weak in some key behaviors. I struggled with the decision a bit because I really wanted to "fill the seat." (This strategy has failed me too often in the past.)  I applied the Overnight Rule for more than one evening, and got permission for three key members of my sales team to interview the candidate in the meantime.

The morning of the group interview I wrote in my notes and explained to my boss, the Client, that if I remove emotion and my desire to fill the seat, the job candidate should not be hired. We agreed to wait and see what the sales team said after they met with the person.

The sales team came back and thought they were giving me disappointing news.  They had unanimously voted the candidate should not join the team. I gave each of them the opportunity to share their thoughts, and then let them know I fully agreed with their conclusion. I notified the candidate of our decision and wished the person the best in finding a position. We continue the hunt...

2. The Everything Ends Rule

Everything has an ending. Your bad boss will get fired or move on. Your jerk client will go away or you will fire them. Your poor performing or misbehaving employee will leave, before or after they fail their performance improvement plan.

The Everything Ends Rule helps you stop your emotional flooding before the "waters rise" too high.  Some people need self-talk to redirect their thoughts, such as a mantra of, "This too will pass," or "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." The latter is commonly known as the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. The key is to stop, be quiet, and calm.

The bottom-line is everything ends. If you allow yourself to endure challenging situations calmly and professionally without offending others, then you get to fight another day.  Staying in the game is critical to your success.

Years ago I worked in cubicle-land for a very dysfunctional company. My boss was an incredibly nice guy, but a terrible manager. It drove me nuts to have coworkers goof-off for 25-50% of their workday. I politely and professionally suggested that he manage them better on 1-2 occasions, but otherwise waited patiently for the situation to sort itself out. It took two years, but then my boss and the unproductive folks all got let go when the company was acquired.

3. The "No" Rule

Even with minimal success you can expect to have more and more demands on your time. Developing the skillful art of making people feel good when you say "no" is crucial to achieving more. In contrast, saying "no" in an insulting or indifferent manner damages relationships and eliminates opportunities for you to achieve your goals.

In the past I worked with someone who was not safe to have an open discussion. Whether it was reporting on performance, discussing ideas, or any other type of conversation, this person would always attack, disparage, challenge, or bring up some failure from the past to dismiss my contribution.

It would have been much more effective for them to say "no" respectfully and when appropriate, give me new information to consider that might have helped me come to a new conclusion.

But what can I do about their behavior?  Focus on where I have the most control:  Myself.  Arrive at meetings fully prepared, be totally candid to eliminate any future surprises or disappointments, and do my job.  Sooner or later I no longer work with that individual.

4. The Robin Hood Rule

Do you know an archer does not keep their eye on a target, but rather their point of aim? Think about that for a moment: For the archer, the target is in the background, almost invisible. They are laser focused on the point of the target they want to hit with an individual arrow.

One comment about Jack Nicholson, the former world champion golfer, was that he would be so focused on his shot that you could fire a gun ten feet from him and he would not even flinch.

People who achieve significance are focused.  Achievement is a combination of constantly realigning yourself to your target (annual goal or strategy), and then focusing daily and weekly arrows (tactics) to conquer each target, tactic by tactic.

I was inspired on the archer perspective by Bernadette Jiwa of Australia.  She says hitting a target is determined by our aim, not the fact we are shooting for it.

Effective weekly focus starts with Sanctuary time. Sanctuary is a reality check of self accountability. It works best when you schedule time between Friday afternoon and Monday morning to separate yourself without any type of distraction for 30-120 minutes. In general, the purpose is to assess:

• Where do I want to be now?
• How did I do this past week?
• What do I have to do to achieve my goals?

Specifically what I consider during my Sanctuary time is:

Goals: How are we progressing towards achieving our annual goals?

Weekly W.I.N. (What's Important Now): How did I do on my Weekly WIN last week? What is my Weekly WIN for the upcoming week?

Expectations: Am I meeting the expectations of my family, friends, team, and Clients?

Company Culture: In what ways was I a role model for our company culture this past week? In what ways could I have done better? Is there something specific I need to do this upcoming week to reinforce our company culture either through my behaviors or the encouragement of others?

5. The Beat the Beast Rule

It is a simple test.  Attach the approximate pounds you are overweight to a rope or belt. Put it around your waist or over your shoulders and wear it for a day.

You would never do this, right? It is too difficult. (I am not actually recommending this exercise, except to try up for 5-10 minutes. You will get the point.)

Then why do many leaders carry the same amount of weight on their body and expect to perform their best?

Or maybe your "weight" is a bad habit.

Do not wait on resolving your "weight" issue. Its negative effects compound overtime until they are irreversible. You are better than that.

You have to make a decision to change.  Last week I did not exercise one day because I was buried in work. The following day I was still buried in work however, I stopped work to briefly hit the gym and swim 2,000 yards. Why? Because I have to if I want to be my best.

Limit options by committing to be your best.

Almost all of the people who are truly awesome, inspiring, longest lasting examples of great leadership make certain they eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. There are rare exceptions, like Winston Churchill. However, he had some flaws that may have been avoided if he had changed some of his habits.

Play the odds. Tame the beast that tempts you into your worst habits.  Eat well, exercise regularly, and get at least seven hours of sleep a night. You know what to do. Find a way to do it.  Get accountability if you need help.

Avoid Partnership Problems

Partnerships always have problems. Whether it's an argument over sales and marketing strategy, or a dispute about equity ownership, I have seen it all. That's why my work often involves helping partners work more effectively together to achieve their goals. Let me give you one key idea that can help you avoid headaches and lawsuits.

Back in the 1980s, one early, pioneering computer distribution firm was Micro D. Their president was Rich Lionetti. Ingram bought the company and it became Ingram Micro D, and later Ingram Micro.

I remember riding with Rich in his car shortly after the buyout. I asked if he was upset about not being included in the management team of the new organization. He laughed. He responded by saying he had learned years before the most important part of any agreement is how you get out of it, not how you get into it. He had structured his employment agreement with Micro D so he got a handsome payout when the buyout occurred and it did not negatively affect him.

Too often I work with partners today who want to change or end their partnership, yet they idealistically set up their company with equal shares of equity and no easy exit clause.

My grandfather, Chester MacPhee, learned about partnerships the hard way while working in real estate. He taught me decades ago how to structure a partnership and it is actually quite simple. The partnership agreement must include a clause that one partner can offer to buy out the other partner(s). The partner receiving the buyout offer can accept or buy the offering partner out under the same terms and conditions. This eliminates any debate about continuing the partnership or the value of equity.

The reason this type of clause is a necessity, not an option, is because it removes subjectivity and emotion when it comes time to end the partnership. All partnerships end. If the partner(s) receiving the offer feels the amount undervalues the business, then they can take advantage of the situation and buy the company themselves. If the price is high or at least more than they are willing to pay, then the partner can accept the offer. Either way the transaction is fair, consistent with their original agreement, and allows all partners to move on in their careers.

The only wild card in this type of agreement is if one partner has a unique skill set. For instance, if one partner owns all the customer relationships, or they have a unique set of technical skills. However, that is just something you have to be aware of when you get into the partnership in the first place.

I recently learned that some people refer to this as a shotgun clause. You can search the web and find a lot more information if you are interested.

I strongly recommend if you are forming a partnership that you include a shotgun clause in your partnership agreement. If you have an existing partnership, then I encourage you to ask your partner(s) to adopt a shotgun clause as part of your partnership agreement.

This is just one of the ways you can avoid partnership problems, now and in the future.

What's love got to do with it?

Do you want to follow the example of the most successful billionaire of all time?  Then love people sincerely.

This is the person who said people will know you by your love.  The most memorable person taught by this master said you can have the greatest skills in the world, but if you do not love people then you have nothing.

So love has EVERYTHING to do with it.  This begs the question, how can we be a role model of "love" in our organizations?

Please remember, the third strand of 3strands LEADERSHIP is Sincere Gratitude because you must value your employees in ways they prefer to create a self-motivating environment where they thrive.

1.  You.  It is very challenging to love others unless first you have a healthy appreciation of yourself.  This is a balance of self-accountability when you make mistakes and appreciation for when you do something well.  It also includes getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, and maintaining a reasonable weight so you avoid the negative consequences of poor health.

LEADERS who are comfortable with themselves are less likely to make emotional decisions that negatively affect relationships.

2.  Circle.  Your "circle of life" includes your spouse or special friend, kids, relatives, friends, and very importantly, your mentors - formal or informal mentors.  These people invest in you whenever you interact with them.  Their responses and reactions to you affect your well being ("You") and your interactions with others.

What's an example of a healthy circle of life?  Regular uninterrupted time with your spouse or special friend, and time interacting with your kids - without looking at your cell phone or another squawk box.  Time hanging out and talking, playing games, or sharing adventures with friends.  Regular time giving and receiving in mentoring relationships.

LEADERS who have a healthy circle of life die rich in relationships and alter the course of history.

3.  Employees.  I have interviewed hundreds of job candidates and employees for Clients.  A common desire throughout the vast majority of these people is to work with people who give them respect, support, and encouragement.

Think about it:  When is the last time you interviewed a job candidate who said they thrive on confrontation and can hardly wait to start arguing or abusing people in your company?

Your people want to feel you sincerely care about them, and then have your behaviors confirm you truly do.  How you make them feel is much more important than what you say or do. 

LEADERS who appropriately, sincerely appreciate their team members in ways they prefer (not necessarily the leaders' natural style), create connections to overcome challenges that stop others who are less loving.

4.  Clients.  What is the #1 thing your clients want from you?  They want to trust you.  Trust that you do great work for them, respond quickly, and have their best interests at heart.

Can your clients trust you if they believe you do not care about them - they are not feeling da love?  No.

LEADERS who appropriately, sincerely appreciate their clients in ways they prefer (not necessarily the leaders' natural style), do better work, grow their business more rapidly, and have customers for life.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

You let "stuff" eat up all your time and you do not make expressing Sincere Gratitude (that love thing...) to others.

Make the time.  Living the Platinum Rule always lifts people up and makes our lives more fulfilling:  Treat others the way they want to be treated.  Love them with Sincere Gratitude.

P.S.  In 1984 Tina Turner released a song titled, What's Love Got To Do With It.  I never liked it.  Still don't.  Catchy rhythm, but I think the message stinks.  Her song was not the inspiration for this encouragement.

SUGGESTION

Show Sincere Gratitude to your service manager, sales manager, operations manager, PARTNER, and/or other leader by signing them up for our Certified LEADER program that kicks off the week of October 5 and runs through March 2016.  Help them become the leaders they were designed to be (and you want them to be)!  Tell me what you want them to learn, and I will work with them to develop those habits.

You are a victim

Ken Pense of Rapid Shift Coaching told me awhile back that everyone views themselves as a Hero, Victim, or Villain.  What about you?

To be an effective leadership role model and communicator you must understand when you and others fall into the drama or conflict triangle.  Workplace drama occurs because people allow themselves to get stuck in a self-focus, rather than a we-focus.  They choose, consciously or subconsciously, to view others as adversaries rather than partners.

The Hero, Victim, and Villain personas are roles we play in conflict, and we may move from one role to another as the workplace drama unfolds.

Hero

Do you consider yourself a hero?  Are you constantly "riding into conflict" to do what is right, save the fair maiden, and see justice done...  only to have one horse after another killed out from under you?

Heroes seek to protect, defend, and sometimes even the score.  You may have courage and take action with selflessness and nobility.  At times the hero ventures forth to do what must be done and achieving "justice" is the only goal.  Without true heroes who step forward and risk taking a stand, despite their discomfort or fear, the world would be an evil empire.

Unfortunately though, too often a hero's sincere righteousness becomes self-righteousness, or self-centered.  Maybe their "cause" was not so just in the first place, or got distorted as power is gained by conquest...

ASK YOURSELF:  Do I think others are not as good as me and they are slowing my progress?  Am I on a mission to win at all costs?

Victim

True victims of persecution are not the focus of this column.  My concern is leaders who act like a victim, or working with people who suffer from a victim mentality.

Wikipedia:  Victim mentality is an acquired (learned) personality trait in which a person tends to regard him or herself as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to think, speak and act as if that were the case - even in the absence of clear evidence.  It depends on habitual thought processes and attribution.

Most of us have had conflict with this type of person in our workplace.  Again, their standards for others are higher than for themselves.  Others are against them and life is not fair.  It is interesting that a victim mentality is LEARNED...

Consider some people in certain professions who take advantage of this:

Lawyers: You are the victim.  Spend money with me and I will help you get what you deserve.

Therapists: You poor victim.  I will confirm your problems are someone else's fault so you do not have to take responsibility for your failures.  It they just hadn't ____ you would have a great life.

Employees: I work really hard, but never get the credit I deserve.  Those other employees (or our company policies) are the problem...

Leaders: My employees are the problem...  (However you hired them, manage them - kind of, develop them - rarely, and retain them even when they truly do not perform.  So who is the victim?)

ASK YOURSELF:  Am I blaming others rather than focusing on the one person under my control (me)?  Am I taking full responsibility for my mistakes, job duties, and results?

Villain

Obviously villains are the bad person.  They can be mean, controlling, manipulative...  However, few people consider themselves the villain.  Typically this role is cast on another even though there is a fine line between being a hero and a villain.

Why?  Because the villain has their own story, often rooted in being a victim.  Their focus is on revenge and they have their own self righteousness.  Although terrorists exhibit this behavior, just consider a recent time when someone offended you.

ASK YOURSELF:  Am I trying to work together with others, or get even with something that has occurred in my life?  Is my desire to achieve motivating me to cross the line of integrity I have defined for others?

How to avoid conflict and manage people to work more effectively is a key focus of our Certified LEADER program.  Sign-up today for our next 6 month session starting the week of October 5.  Don't miss this chance to learn the proven systems and habits of great leaders.

The bottom line is we need to avoid the conflict triangle and work together.  As leaders, we must be role models and not let our triggers to anger lead us astray.

For more information you can search "Hero Victim Villain" on the web.  My favorite article is by Gary Harper on his Joy of Conflict site. As leaders we have to intentionally help people work together and avoid the conflict / drama triangle.  This work starts with ourselves.